Some things just make you happy...

I think most people who know me know of my fondness for the heartthrobs of the '70's.  I didn't watch the Hardy Boys because it was a good show.  I was in love with Shaun Cassidy.  I think there was something about the boyish good looks topped by feathered hair.  Sigh.

 
It's funny that I grew up to marry a soldier - super short hair, manly.

I thought my tastes had changed.  Until I saw this:

Matt Damon

Sweet milk!  Matt Damon in my favorite '70's do?  Thank you, God.  I owe you one.

A little thankfulness...

This year has been a hard year.  In fact, we've kind of had a rough (going on) 3 years.  When I think about all of the stresses that we've had, my head spins.  Death, birth, moving (internationally), new jobs, lost job, retirement, illness, new schools, leaving friends behind, finishing a degree, starting a degree, car accident (minor), new driver in the house, and one who can no longer drive.

Somebody stop this ride...

I want to get off

Then I think about all of the things we've done this year.  We hit the States with the intention of making a new life.  But the thing that I liked most about the old life is the way we would go out and experience life.  Our kids will know things because they've seen them.  We're all reaching a point (except for the little one, of course) where tickets and trips are better gifts than things.  Through our time in the Army, we've been offered so much of the world to explore.  I'm only sad that we didn't have more time to go more places.  The cost of that was being so far from friends and family.  But that was okay - social media has made the world a much smaller place.

I'm happy to say that we have continued to be modern suburban adventurers.  We continue to experience life.  We go to concerts and travel, but we've also been able to catch up with some people we haven't seen in a very long time.  I've been able to spend time with cousins.  It's nice to feel like part of a family - something bigger than our little nucleus.  I've seen friends that I haven't seen since a high school reunion (or two).  I'm thankful that we have my mom who makes things happen.  She jumps on opportunities.  I hope that I've inherited that trait.  I hope that my kids will continue to see the world as a playground.

So, despite the losses we've suffered and sacrifices we've made and challenges we've endured; there are an equal number of magical moments.  Where, for an instant, we've been immersed in the human experience.

For those moments - I'm truly thankful.

For hire...

It's not that I don't want to work.  It's just that I feel I might be especially unsuited for it.  I seem to have no real marketable skill set.  I'm a great mom - I'm happy to keep a clean house, run errands, do homework with the kids, make cookies, kiss boo-boos, etc.  Those skills don't really seem to translate to the working world.

I am currently employed in a job that would probably be better served by someone who is more detail oriented.  In my mom job, I bake by approximation.  "Close enough" is a real thing.  My job would be better suited to someone who likes being alone.  I'm in the middle of everything at home.  When I was studying for my Master's Degree I would sit in the middle of the den and read my books.  It would drive my husband crazy since he needs quiet to study.  My extrovert roots clearly show.  The non-mom job would work for someone who doesn't want to change the world.  As a mom, I'm trying to shape my kids to be good citizens of the world.  Nobody's life was ever changed because they bought a tent.

Now, before you say maybe I should go into the childcare field, I'm a great mom.  I don't have patience for other people's kids.  Unless I love them - you know who you are if you're reading this!

Plus I really like doing this...

So, I need a job - that allows me to be a mom, and wife full-time.  And lets me go to the beach whenever I want.  Let me know if you find someone hiring!

USA USA

As I started gearing up for the Olympics, I was looking at memorable moments from past Olympics.  Man, I love love love the Olympics.  I usually sit on the couch and watch every minute I can, crying like a baby for every win - every heartbreaking story of overcoming adversity - every loss.  I hate when they show the losing team.  It seems mean.  But I adore the national pride that comes with the Olympics.  We've been fortunate enough to live in other countries, so I feel like I have lots of options when it comes to cheering people on...Italy, Germany, Ireland, Japan, Malaysia...and of course, USA USA USA!

I was trying to figure out why I love this time so much.  My parents were huge winter Olympic fans.  They attended several Olympics.  We were lucky to join them for the Turin Olympics in 2006.  There really is a fever pitch of excitement surrounding the games.  So, perhaps it's genetic.

I think maybe instead, it was inspired by the joy I felt when I was a kid and got to watch the Battle of the Network Stars.  Network stars competing in athletic events - who doesn't love that?  And Willie Aames in a Speedo?  Whew.

Hey, hey we're the Monkees

I'm not sure how it started.  Somehow E was introduced to the Monkees, I think it was when Davey Jones died.  She fell in love instantly.  As a teenager, I too was entranced by the Monkees - as well as antiques, old movies and antique cars.  All things that E has embraced lovingly.  When her bestie from Malaysia (the Dane) came to visit a few weeks ago, E made the Dane watch every episode of the Monkees.  The Dane probably thinks we're all insane now, but she did walk away with an appreciation for Peter, Mickey, Davey and Mike.

In her exuberance, E decided she wanted a Mike Nesmith hat.

Mike Nesmith - my 2nd favorite Monkee

So, like any good mother, I googled patterns for a Mike Nesmith hat.  The Polka Dot Cottage  came to my rescue, and I got to knitting.  Since I had finished Sophie's blanket I needed a new project anyway.  Each night I sit and listen to the television and the boys playing around me. "knit, purl, knit, purl."  It's a very easy pattern, and it's done with a circular needle, which I love.  Well, last night I must have been distracted - or tired - or in pain (my back went out again).  Whatever the reason I skipped a stitch and ended up with this:

a crazy little row

right in the middle of her hat!

I asked E if she minded it being that way, or if she wanted me to go back and fix it.  She looked at it and said, "Awww....you can leave it.  I like it."  I was thrilled that I didn't have to go back and redo all of those stitches.  It's a pain in the behind to pull them out and re-knit.  More importantly, I was thrilled that my daughter looked at my mistake as an opportunity.  It's unique, quirky, a little off center - just like me (and her).  I love that my kiddo looks at the world and sees beauty in imperfections.

A children's story I've written...based on my little arguer

Artie Aardvark was very sure of himself.    He knew all of the letters of the alphabet and he could count to ten; even if they weren’t in the right order.  He knew the colors of the rainbow, most of the time.  Artie knew so much that sometimes he forgot that other people might know things too. 

Artie asked for sweets before lunch and his mommy said, “No, Artie.  Sweets before lunch will make your tummy hurt.” 

Artie said, “No it won’t,” because Artie knew a lot about how tummies work. 

Artie’s daddy said, “It’s time for bed, Artie.” 

Artie said, “No it’s not.  I still have play time,” because Artie knew a lot about telling time. 

Artie’s brother said, “Artie, if you don’t pick up your toys, they’re going to get broken.” 

Artie said, “No they won’t; I’m going to leave them right here,” because Artie knew a lot about toys.

After so many days of Artie arguing, Artie’s mommy sat down with him and said, “One day, when I was little, my grandma let me have chocolate ice cream before lunch and I got so sick.  And when Daddy was little, his daddy let him stay up late and he was grumpy the whole next day.  When your brother was little, he didn’t pick up his toys.  Someone stepped on his favorite plane, and he was very sad.  Do you like to be sick, grumpy or sad?” 

Artie thought about it and said, “No, mommy.  I don’t like to be sick, grumpy or sad.” 

“Then maybe you should listen when we tell you things; because, believe it or not, we know stuff.  And when you grow up you’ll be even smarter because we’re letting you in on all of our secret smarty stuff.” 

The next day Artie’s friend Roger came over to play.  Roger wanted cookies before lunch and Artie said, “No, Roger.  Sweets before lunch will make your tummy hurt.  I know that because my mommy told me secret smarty stuff, so you’d better listen!”

The End.

Sweet Sophie

Last week a whole new person came into the world, and I'm happy to say that I know her.  One of my besties became a grandmother again.  She has three granddaughters from two of her sons, but this one was her first granddaughter from her daughter.  We discussed how different it is when it's your daughter having a baby.  I think there's some sort of greater ownership when a person is percolated inside your own baby.  And Hilary certainly earned bragging rights with this one.  After 31 HOURS of labor, baby Sophie came along.  She's beautiful and Hilary will be a great mommy.

I've been knitting a lot lately.  There's something very relaxing about a mindless activity like knitting.  I can get a rhythm going "knit, purl, knit, purl, knit, purl..."  It's like a great meditation.  I can still participate in what's going on around me, but I can also disconnect if need be.


I decided that Sophie needed a handmade baby blanket, so I set to work with a pattern and some colorful yarns and made this for her.

I hope when she's four and scared of the thunder she hides under this blanket.  I hope when she goes on a trip with her parents she asks to take this blanket along.  I hope that when Hilary finds out how special it is to meet your daughter's daughter, Sophie wraps her baby up in this blanket.


SWelcome to the world, baby girl!

Random thoughts that I've had today:

Why do people put glasses on dogs?  It looks stupid.

Is it really important that I know how to get free of zip ties binding my hands?

When I decorate trying to be "kitschy" it looks like I did exactly what I did - headboard made out of a cushion hanging on the wall looks like a cushion hanging on the wall.

I don't know what a 'burpee' is.

Blobs of frosting are among the most beautiful things in the world.

I guess that's what happens when your toddler keeps you up all night and spend time on Pinterest.  I'm so ready for the little one to sleep in his bed ALL NIGHT LONG and not need me with him.  Last night was full of tossing and turning and admonitions for daring to put the wrong blanket on top of him.  Sheesh!  High maintenance much?

Maybe tonight I'll get to rest...or maybe tomorrow I'll just start a caffeine IV and shuffle through the day.

Stone of Destiny

I love this picture of E.  How many times I've felt like this - that joy that comes from overcoming some obstacle, climbing a challenging hill, making it.

This picture was taken in Ireland after my dad died.  We had gone to the Hill of Tara on our trek north.  It seemed particularly fitting that we were visiting the Stone of Destiny that had been used to determine ancient high kings of Ireland.  We joked that there was a Sheep of Destiny that sang out when the king kicked it.  This was our first stop on the way to Northern Ireland.  My dad didn't like Northern Ireland at all.  He enjoyed some of the sites - like the Giants Causeway - but he never felt comfortable.  He was always uneasy, sure that he was going to be firebombed because he had Republic license plates.  I guess we all have something in our lives that makes us feel uncomfortable...something that challenges us in ways we don't always want to be challenged.  Some days you're the king; some days you're the sheep.

This year has been a sheep year.  For most of the year I've felt like I'm leading the life I have to lead rather than the life I want to lead.  It's been a struggle to cope with it.  I've felt every inch of the climb and sometimes I'm not sure I'll ever see the top.  I'm ready for things to be better.  I'm ready for things to be settled.  The whole reason we moved back to the States was so that we could settle down and start putting down roots.  We still seems so transitory.  We live in a home that isn't ours.  I have a job that isn't what I want to be doing forever. Q's in school.  We can't even have a pet.  I know this is all part of the retirement process, but man, is it difficult!

But I know it's temporary...things always change.  And then I look at this picture of E in her pure joy.  I see T right behind her ready to feel it too.  Some day soon I will see the top of this hill and, hopefully I'll think it was so worth the climb.  

Common threads...

I believe that most people look for things that unite them with others.  It's what makes a society.  People coming together with shared beliefs, thoughts, values, etc.  Each day I go to work and process the orders of people who want tents.  It is fun because I can see people's names.  There are some great ones out there; and some I'm really glad that I wasn't burdened with that moniker.  I also get to see where people live.  Not in a creepy stalker sort of way, but I have to look up addresses to see if they are residential or business.  Sometimes I'll see an address that's local, and I'll think to myself, "Well, I could drive that over to you and drop it off."  Today was one of those days...a guy in McLean ordered a tent.  I thought, "If you only knew how close your tent is..."

What really struck me today was a name.

Back when Q and I had been married for about a year, we moved to Austin, Texas.  I worked as a teller in a bank and Q worked for UT in the traffic department.  All day long he scheduled appointments for people who had gotten parking tickets.  He spent all day listening to people who were PO'ed.  We lived in a tiny little apartment on the south side of town.  It was the site of the infamous, "Get the mouse..." story.

We hung out with Q's college friends - who became our friends.  I feel like we got out more than too.  There wasn't internet everywhere, so we'd go to a bookstore, or out to eat, or just drive around looking at houses.

We only had one car, so we spent a lot of time in the car together.  In the mornings we'd listen to the morning radio show "Dudley and Bob".  Many times we would arrive at our destination crying because we had been laughing so hard.  We still laugh about the time Dale Dudley was saying his name and it all kind of slurred together, "Daledudley...Daledudley."  I'm giggling a little now.

Today I was processing an order with the last name Dudley.  My mind jumped to, "I wonder if they're in Aust...oh, my gosh...they're in Austin.  How funny is that?"  It wasn't Dale Dudley (but in my mind it's his wife...or daughter...or mother).  All of a sudden I was taken back to those two years we spent in Austin so long ago.  Before kids, before pets, before the second enlistment in the Army, before my dad was gone...

Dudley and Bob used to play new music and then poll the audience to see if it was good.  I remember hearing this song and thinking, "Man - that sucks."  It's become another little reminder of what used to be.  As much as I get frustrated these days and as much as I loved those times, I don't think I'd like to go back.  I'd miss my kids too much...and man, that song...it sucked.

This isn't the official music video - but it is very entertaining.

I think I would have made a great Roman god.  First off, I love Italian food - balsamic vinegar is pretty close to perfection in my opinion.  I think I can pull off a toga, and I can be spiteful.  Perhaps I'd be Janus, the Roman god of doors.  Yeah, there's a god of doors.  January is named after him.  Apparently he had two faces since a door can either let you in or let you out.  Just think, "two-faced" would be a compliment!

Today's doodle - me rockin' it as the god of doors

The main reason I think I'd have been good as a god is because those guys were always doing the Fantasy Island trick where you want something but there's some trade off.  You want that boat?  Okay, but your dog's going to have perpetual fleas.  You want that job?  Okay, but you have to give up winning the lottery.  You want to be famous?  Okay, but you have to kill your greatest fan.

My mind naturally comes up with trade offs for everything.  It's like I test myself to see if I really really really want what I think I want.  Who does that?  No sane person decides that in order for me to be satisfied I have to sacrifice something.  Nobody says, "I'm going to have a hotdog, but I have to throw away a pair of shoes."  I remember someone saying that they had a rule that if they bought something new, they had to get rid of something.  Sounds like a good way to declutter, but am I decluttering my mind if I make myself give up one dream to have another?  Surely that's not healthy.  Why do I have this self-defeating pattern?

I think my childhood somehow colored my notion of how to create a fantasy world.  Just remember, "Careful what you wish for...you might just get it."

My job is killing my brain...

I'm in the midst of a moral crisis.

I think my job is actually killing brain cells - without the fun of being drunk. But it's a cushy job with little pressure or responsibility.  My actual job takes up little time, leaving me loads of creativity perfecting my time management techniques.  Sometimes my day is spent obsessing over Pinterest or Facebook.  Sometimes I let whatever that Stumbly thing is take my time.  Often I find myself just doodling.

I'm amazed at how my doodles often mirror my feelings.

So, it's clearly not a hard job, and I like the people I work with.  And they're really flexible.  If I have an appointment it's not a big deal and I don't have to take leave.  But I'm no where near following my passion.  Selling beach tents was never on my MASH list of jobs.  No child has ever said, "When I grow up I want to sell tents to people."

I want to help people (not just help them keep from getting sunburned, that doesn't count).  I have a degree in Counseling Psychology and the only time I use those skills are when I have to Skype people in Europe.  Listening skills - I got mad listening skills.

So, do I stick with what's safe and easy, or do I go out and risk losing a good thing?

I guess in the meantime I'll sit back and doodle some more.  Maybe try to get back some brain cells by being creative...or I'll just look at youtube videos of the Toronto Raptor rollerblading down stairs...