Stone of Destiny

I love this picture of E.  How many times I've felt like this - that joy that comes from overcoming some obstacle, climbing a challenging hill, making it.

This picture was taken in Ireland after my dad died.  We had gone to the Hill of Tara on our trek north.  It seemed particularly fitting that we were visiting the Stone of Destiny that had been used to determine ancient high kings of Ireland.  We joked that there was a Sheep of Destiny that sang out when the king kicked it.  This was our first stop on the way to Northern Ireland.  My dad didn't like Northern Ireland at all.  He enjoyed some of the sites - like the Giants Causeway - but he never felt comfortable.  He was always uneasy, sure that he was going to be firebombed because he had Republic license plates.  I guess we all have something in our lives that makes us feel uncomfortable...something that challenges us in ways we don't always want to be challenged.  Some days you're the king; some days you're the sheep.

This year has been a sheep year.  For most of the year I've felt like I'm leading the life I have to lead rather than the life I want to lead.  It's been a struggle to cope with it.  I've felt every inch of the climb and sometimes I'm not sure I'll ever see the top.  I'm ready for things to be better.  I'm ready for things to be settled.  The whole reason we moved back to the States was so that we could settle down and start putting down roots.  We still seems so transitory.  We live in a home that isn't ours.  I have a job that isn't what I want to be doing forever. Q's in school.  We can't even have a pet.  I know this is all part of the retirement process, but man, is it difficult!

But I know it's temporary...things always change.  And then I look at this picture of E in her pure joy.  I see T right behind her ready to feel it too.  Some day soon I will see the top of this hill and, hopefully I'll think it was so worth the climb.